If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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