oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
