Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
