I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
