i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
