People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
