this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
