morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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