i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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