sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
