yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
