i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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