your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
