Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
