You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
