you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
