I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
