I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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