i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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