Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
