First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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