i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
