I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
