You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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