first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
