I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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