Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
