i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
