Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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