Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
