I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
