your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
