maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
