I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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