Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
