Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
