I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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