It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
