Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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