i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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