My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
