puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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