The maid of honor just puked.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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