I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
