you have to choose: penises or morals?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
