i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
