Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
