My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Bring me that man meat
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
