if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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