Cold hands, warm shart.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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