You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
